Public School: Middle School

Middle school was the worst. Half of the elementary schools in the district came together into one school. Recess was shorter. There were more girls.

Recess went away. That meant no more football. That meant I did not have my guy friends anymore. That meant I had nobody. The girls who despised me in elementary school multiplied in middle school and never forgot their ill feelings. I was absolutely tormented for my appearance every day.

Sixth grade was really unexpected because this was the worst bullying I had ever experienced. The bus was the worst part. The girls who rode my bus really did not like me at all. They were popular, so they even got the guys who were my friends to stand by as they hurt me. Sometimes, it was physical. What really hurt was the words, though. They could trip and push me, knock my books out of my hands in the hallway, but what hurt was the numerous, numerous times they called me ugly, fat, disgusting. I remember walking to the bus, one day, and grabbing a cupcake from my friend's mom who drove bus. I walked onto my bus and started to eat the cupcake. I will never forget one of the girls getting on the bus and saying "do you really think you need another cupcake?" and the whole bus laughing.

This lasted three years. While everyone else was dating and having crushes on people, I was very alone because the more I heard that I was ugly, the more I believed it. My mom called the principal about the bullying, but there was not much they could do about almost the entire grade hating me.

In eighth grade, I fell into the darkest depression I have ever been in. I really believe that this is where several of my mental disorders come from (anxiety, depression, more pronounced ADHD). I experienced suicidal thoughts and slight tendencies. After three years, this all had really messed me up.

The words and flashbacks from middle school still cripple me each time I go shopping and occasionally when I am getting ready in the morning. When I try to buy clothing, any time that I see myself in the mirror, I just remember those stinging words. I will never, ever be able to call myself beautiful because of the idea of being ugly that was branded into my brain. All I see when I look in the mirror as I shop, when I get out of the shower, and occasionally as I am getting ready in the morning, is a fat, ugly, unlovable person.